Navel-gazing. God-gazing.

There are a lot of thoughts wandering around in my mind. Many are on renewable energy, because that’s what I spend most of my waking hours working on.  There are other thoughts, of course, but I feel I cannot truthfully share them without casting a slur (real or perceived) on people I know. Perhaps one day they’ll come across this blog, and then I’ll have a lot more to think about.

So why don’t you just talk it over with someone instead of blogging?

Isn’t that what blogs are for? To rant and rave about all the minutiae in one’s life? No, really, I don’t feel I can talk to the people close to me for the reason above. In addition, I fear they may just not get it. I do know one person who gets it; we had a conversation on a related issue this past summer. It was reassuring to know I’m not the only one. However, the fact that he’s a man presents not a few problems from a Biblical perspective. And that he’s a married man—I shan’t go any further.

You’re not into anything funny are you?

The fact that I can openly mention the above conversation should dispel any such notions. I don’t think the thoughts and desires I have are inherently sinful. A little like eating— eating is a wonderful idea, invented by God Himself. However, eating inappropriate amounts of food, or using food as something more than fuel is sinful. How I go about acting on those thoughts — which I haven’t done, since I’ve been ruminating for months— is the sticky issue.

So why, if you can’t mention what’s bothering you , did you bother with this post at all?

[Waving hands wildly] I feel like I’m bursting!

Isn’t that what self-control is all about?

[Pause] Ummmm, yes. [Longer pause] [Mumbling] I guess I shall have to just continue praying about it.

[More resolutely] If these desires are from God, as I believe they are, He’s the only one who can help me. I should spend more time thinking on Him than on them. Only then will I know how and when to fulfill them in all purity.