Lies Women Believe About Children

This is part 7 of 11 of a series based on the book Lies Women Believe. Read the introductory post or view all the posts in the series.

27. It’s up to us to determine the size of our family

Christians have come to absorb a number of “anti-children” philosophies from the culture around us. For example, it is widely held that a woman should choose when to have children and how many they should be.  However, the process by which most people regulate the size of their families is driven by fear, selfishness and human reason.

The truth is:

  • One of the purposes of marriage is to produce a “godly offspring”. Psalm 113:9; Psalm 127:3-5
  • Childbearing is a basic, God-given role for women. Children are to be received as a blessing from God. Psalm 127:3-5; 1 Timothy 5:14

28.  Children need to get exposed to the “real world” so that they can learn to function in it

God never intended for us to know evil by experiencing it for ourselves. Children should be raised to love righteousness and hate evil. If parents allow their children to absorb culture indiscriminately, they will cultivate an appetite for it instead of an appetite for the things of God.

The truth is:

  • Our task is not to raise up children who can merely fit into this world or survive it but to bring up children who will be used by God to change our world. Romans 12:2
  • Like young, tender plants, children need to be protected from worldly influences until they are spiritually mature enough to withstand them. Psalm 101; Romans 16:19
  • The fear of the Lord and a vital, personal relationship with God are the best means of preparing children to withstand secular culture and to make a difference to our world. Psalm 92:13-15; Proverbs 9:10-11

29. All children will go through a rebellious stage

Believing this lie can lead parents to excuse and tolerate rebellious attitudes and behaviour in their children, instead of dealing with the issues head-on in love and firmness. Parents should keep pointing their children to Christ, and of course, to pray fervently.

The truth is:

  • Parents cannot force their children to walk with God, but they can model godliness and cultivate a climate in the home that creates an appetite for God and is conducive to the spiritual growth and nurture of their children. Psalm 144:12; Psalm 144:15; Isaiah 54:13; Matthew 5:13-16

30. I know my child is a Christian because he prayed to receive Christ at an early age

Only God knows a person’s heart. It is possible that one says and does all the right things, and has a great interest in spiritual things without a change of heart. The essence of true salvation is not a matter of profession or performance, but of transformation (2 Cor 5:17).

The truth is:

  • Those who do not have a heart for God or any hunger for the things of God and who have a consistent pattern of  rejecting the Word and ways of God have no basis for assurance of salvation. 2 Corinthians 5:17; Ephesians 5:5-6; 1 John 2:3-9, 15, 19; 1 John 3:10
  • Parents who assume their children know the Lord, regardless of their lifestyle, may give their children a false sense of security and may not be praying appropriately praying for their children. Jeremiah 32:40; Hebrews 3:14

31. We are not responsible for how our children turn out

This is closely to the concept that parents are 100% responsible for how their children turn out. In the Bible we have accounts of godly parents with ungodly children, for example the prophet Eli (1 Samuel 2:12). Parents have a responsibility to pass on to the next generation a heritage of godliness. Regardless of what parents have or have not done, each person is ultimately responsible for their own choices.

The truth is:

  • Parents have enormous influence in moulding the lives of their children by their example, their teaching, and their leadership. Genesis 19; Proverbs 22:6; Matthew 19:13-15; 1 Corinthians 11:1; Ephesians 6:4
  • Each generation is responsible to pass on to the next the heritage of a heart that knows and walks with God. 1 Samuel 2:12-25, 29; 3:13; Psalm 78:1-8; 1 Thessalonians 2:3-13
  • Parents will give account to God for the spiritual condition of the lives He has entrusted to their care.  Proverbs 3:12; 13:24; 19:18; Hebrews 13:17
  • Each individual is responsible for his own walk and obedience. Regardless  of what parents he had, each person will give account to God for his own choices. Deuteronomy 24:16; Jeremiah 31:29-30

My take on this chapter

#27. I’d have to disagree with Ms. DeMoss on this one. I don’t believe in deliberate childlessness, unless the married couple in question is in extreme extenuating circumstances in unusual Christian service (Source). However, I do think that said couple should talk about and agree on how many children they are willing to bring up. I have no biblical evidence, but I don’t think everybody can handle a large family. I have nothing against large families, as long as the parents can adequately provide for the tangible and intangible needs of their family, like the Duggars.

#29. My rebellious phase was mercifully brief. I found myself asking with the apostle Peter, “To whom shall I go?”